Oh Goddamnit, Mom’s New Boyfriend Is That Talking French Pineapple

Family - We here at The Toronto Harold are writing to inform you that your mother has a new boyfriend and he’s that hellspawn from TVO’s Téléfrançais.

Your mom told us that the two of them met at a single senior’s dart night that was put on at The Legion and the two immediately connected over their shared love of publicly-funded television.

He doesn’t want to rush it, but this guy would prefer you call him Père when your ready and would like your blessing to ask for your mom’s hand in marriage.