With Playoffs Looming, Maple Leafs Fans Happy That LCBO Paper Bags Are Back In Circulation

By Andrew Scott

In anticipation of the inevitable disastrous showing that will once again be the Toronto Maple Leaf’s upcoming playoff performance, supporters of the team are pleased that Premier Doug Ford has insisted that the LCBO make paper bags available to its customers.

“The extra cost of purchasing the paper bags that I need to wear in order to hide my shame and embarrassed face at Leaf games during the playoffs every spring has just become little more affordable thanks to Doug Ford,” stated Frank Butterworth, who has been wearing paper bags to Toronto playoff hockey games since the Harold Ballard era.

No word yet as to whether Scotiabank Arena security will be asking patrons to remove bags from their heads prior to entry into the building, but top hockey officials promise a forthcoming decision.

Andrew Scott is a musician and writer who lives in Toronto in a house amongst children, antiquated technology of yesteryear and many, many instruments. Instagram, writing, poetry, more poetry.