Conspiracy Confirms Canada Is Controlled By Shadow Government Of Tim Horton’s Employees

By Scott Slute

Whitby - Earlier this week an anti-vaccine passport protest at a Durham Tim Horton’s received criticism for harassing people just trying to do their job, instead of those responsible for law making. Now, a leaked document obtained by Rebel News seemingly alludes to the fact that Canada’s elected government is in fact a puppet government controlled by the nation’s true rulers: people who serve coffee for $14/h.

The document reveals that despite what has been taught in high school civics class, Canadian laws are actually decided by several middle-aged women while they defrost bagels. The mysterious group initially seized power after Brian Mulroney let his open tab at the Sparks Street Tim Horton’s reach an alarming $11 million during his time as Prime Minister.

The group of protestors, hailing from some of the finest communities across the province, arrived at the Whitby coffee shop in an effort to convince the law makers behind the counter serving coffee to change the vaccine mandate currently in place.

Several freedom fighters pictured here storming Canada’s secret capital building.

“We thought for a minute there that it was them nurses in Toronto who were making all these laws,” one protestor who almost has a full set of teeth tells us, “But we figured it out. It’s been them guys serving us our double doubles this whole time.”

The mysterious leaders say they will consider lifting the current vaccine mandate if other world leaders agree to ban Mcdonald’s coffee in their respective countries.

Scott Slute is the Editor in Chief at The Toronto Harold