5 Ways To Get Out Of Plans Even Though You Promised Yourself You’d Stop Doing That During The Pandemic
By Connor O’Brien
The pandemic has taken a toll on both mental health and how we interact with each other. And even though last May you said “I’m not gonna take anything for granted after this. When lockdown ends I’m saying yes to everything,” during a drunken Zoom call, we all knew that was a lie. Imagine having to actually see people? Yuck!
Here are The Toronto Harold’s top 5 tips for getting out of plans you never wanted to go to in the first place!
1) Lie About Having Covid
Yeah, sorry can’t come out, I’m actually SUPER sick at the hospital currently. Try me again in 2 weeks and hopefully I don’t get sick again when you ask.
2) Pretend You Don’t Know What the Word “Plans” Means
Huh? What are you talking about? I don’t think that’s a word. Look if you’re gonna be mean to me about this I guess we shouldn’t go through with these “plans” or whatever word you made up because you yell at me too much.
3) Say You’re “Busy” At “Work”
Sorry they’re making me pull a double at the Piss and Shit Eatery tonight, yeah, we can’t find any new staff because they don’t wanna work for $11/hr. while kissing the old man that owns the place. I love to serve food like the world’s nicest clown to someone who would probably walk over my unconscious body if I fell down an escalator, but these young people I tell ya they love being on the phone and treated well. So that’s why I’m not coming to your wedding that you’ve had to reschedule twice.
4) Tell Them To Fuck Off
Listen it’s not my fault that I’m kind of a piece of shit right now. But the idea of going somewhere to spend what little money I have left seems like a trick. Is this what I was waiting for? To easily spend $50+ dollars for a few photos at a restaurant I didn’t care about before the country nearly collapsed because we weren’t going to other restaurants? Fuck you, dude, no way! Fuck off: simple as that.
5) Cry Like A Big Baby On The Phone
Waaaah! Waaaaah! I’m FUCKING SCARED! I’M JUST REALLY FUCKING SCARED