John Tory Launches Cleanup Blitz In And Around His Condo Building

By Scott Slute

Toronto - The newly re-elected Mayor announced yesterday he would be launching a cleanup campaign to spruce up the area surrounding his One Bedford residence.

City employees have been instructed to immediately start removing any graffiti, filling potholes and fixing damaged waste bins that are within eyeshot of Tory’s penthouse suite. The mayor has backtracked on his original instruction to fix clothing donation bins after realizing there weren’t any within one square kilometre of his Yorkville abode.

The campaign initially started during the mayor’s last term, when he instructed workers to repave the stretch of Bloor Street between Bedford and Avenue to make his 7 minute drive to city hall more smooth With his new strong mayor powers, Tory plans to make the 3-blocks surrounding his building the cleanest in the city.

But the cleanup won’t just stop outside. The mayor has dispatched several city workers to begin cleanup within his apartment, beginning with some light dusting and vacuuming, and eventually repainting the spare bedroom when they have the time. A team of city workers will also now be responsible for empty the mayor’s kitchen garbage, recycling container and bathroom tissue bin every Monday night just before his community’s Tuesday morning garbage pickup.

The mayor encourages those who want to live in a clean community to also work hard and take hundreds of thousands in political bribes so they too can one day afford to live in his beautiful and clean neighbourhood.

Scott Slute is the Editor in Chief at The Toronto Harold