Country That Built Identity Around Saying Sorry Yet To Properly Apologize For Residential Schools

Toronto - After the death toll has reached over 6000 from residential schools, the folksy country of Canada, who prides itself on going to Europe and explaining to everyone how much better they are than Americans, is hoping the news cycle just forgets about this before they actually have to do anything.

Since the discovery of mass graves, the country has suggested reconciliation to the communities of still impoverished people by changing their Facebook profile picture in solidarity. Prime Minister Justin Trudeau even suggested that maybe instead of celebrating Canada Day everyone just be sad that day and we should be even.

“We feel really bad that happened,” Trudeau said to a group of people who don’t have clean drinking water.

Trudeau assured the communities affected that the Canadian government would do a full investigation into how the residential schools went so wrong.

“When we get to the bottom of who did this,” said the man whose father did it, “We’re going to give them a stern talking to.”

And as Canada approaches a federal election, other political leaders have started weighing in.

While campaigning in Canada’s northern territories via Zoom, NDP leader Jagmeet Singh said if elected he would say sorry at least once a day via his Tik Tok while speaking to community members who just paid $37 for a cantaloupe.

When Conservative leader Erin O’Tool was asked what he thought should be done for reconciliation, he asked what YOU thought should be done for reconciliation, and would go with that.

Trudeau said that if re-elected he would promise to act very surprised when everyone else finds out Hitler based his concentration camps on Canada’s native reserves.