Canada Bans The Sale Of Gas-Engine Cars Just Before Global Warming Wipes Canada Off The Map

By Scott Slute

Ottawa - As Western Canada experiences record high temperatures never before seen in North America, the Canadian government announced a plan to combat climate change by banning gas powered cars maybe sometime in the next two decades, dependant on whether or not Erin O’Toole wins the next election.

“My fellow Canadians, it’s time something meaningful is done about climate change,” Prime Minister Justin Trudeau announced while Greta Thunberg held a gun to the back of his head, “And unlike my response to residential schools, this time I’m actually going to do something!”

The ban, set to come into effect in the year 2035, will end the sale of new gas powered vehicles. Current owners of gas fuelled cars will still be able to fill their vehicles up with Canada’s finest crude oil delivered right to their door from Alberta via Amazon Prime.

“Canadians will be able to enjoy their last weeks on earth knowing that there are a few less toxin-emitting vehicles on the road,” continued Trudeau, “And as you die, either being engulfed by the rising ocean levels or the raging prairie infernos, you can rest easy knowing you’re leaving a slightly cleaner world!”

Scott Slute is the Editor in Chief at The Toronto Harold