OOPS! I Got So Stoned That I Slept Through Canada Day And Woke Up On The Right Side Of History

By Dan Pearce

Op Ed - To tell you the truth, I've never had any sort of interest in politics or the news or learning anything other than jazz chords. I've smoked weed every day since I was 13, and the way I see it, every holiday is just a day where you get to smoke more weed than you already do on any other day. On July 1st 2021 I planned on doing absolutely nothing except toke my face off, and I didn't even realize that I was actually performing a stunning display of allyship.

Everyone has been talking about whether or not to celebrate Canada Day this year. I'm not sure why. I don't even know why we celebrate Canada Day in the first place. Is July 1st the day that Canadians were freed from America? Whatever, it's about fireworks now, and those things stress me out. I don't think I've celebrated Canada Day since I was a little kid, so I guess I was really ahead of the curve in a way. 

I smoked so much on the morning of July 1st that I passed out before noon and slept until...actually, I only woke up a few hours ago. I found a few messages from my friends, asking me what I was doing, and I told them I spent the whole day in bed. They thought that was brilliant! Like John Lennon said in that Oasis song, starting a revolution from my bed!

Word quickly spread about my creative approach to social change, and when people started explaining to me the genocide of Indigenous folks, I was like “Osh, man...this is the shit that beauty Gord Downie was always talking about!” and I poured one out for Gord. Then I tried to pour one out for every unmarked grave they uncovered this month, but when I thought about how many 24s I would need to do that, I finally understood why this is so horrific. 

Some people have asked if I am only protesting Canada Day this year, or if I will be doing this every year. I promise you, on July 1st of every single year, I will be sparking up one thing and one thing only...you can't see me right now, but I am pantomiming a joint. Actually, I might just go light up a real one right now.

Dan Pearce is a contributing writer for The Toronto Harold. Dan can be found on both Twitter and Instagram @danfromlinkedin