Conservative Party Positive That THIS Uncharismatic White Populist With Out Of Touch Views Will Be The One

Ottawa - The Conservative Party has officially chosen to elect 17 year old Pierre Poilievre as new party leader. The decision has been marked as a bold move for the party, as Poilievre is the first leader in nearly five years who wears glasses.

The party hopes that Poilievre will breath fresh air into the party. The party stated that although his views are exactly the same as the previous leadership’s that lost the last 8 years of elections, he definitely has the nicest head of hair in party history.

“He has all the milk-guzzling qualities of Andrew Scheer, but he knows what a Bitcoin is,” stated a Conservative Party spokesperson while parading around their third leader in two years.

Poilievre says he plans to revitalize and refresh the Conservative Party and will bring its values and stances into the 1990’s.