Increase In Goose Attacks Blamed On Closed Border

With the inability to fly south for the winter, Canada geese have become more agitated and hostile.

By Scott Slute

Kitchener - If you’ve recently noticed an increase in Canada goose attacks this winter, you aren’t alone. Canadian Wildlife Services have reported a 500% increase in goose-related assaults this winter, and many believe the closed border is to blame. 

In response to the on-going COVID-19 pandemic, the Canada-US border was closed last March for all non-essential travel, and unfortunately for our feathered brethren winter vacations to Florida are not considered essential. 

“It’s no new news that Canadian geese have a bit of a reputation for being Sour Sallys at times,” said Dr Peter Huang of the Canadian Wildlife Services, “But our new research indicates that after being trapped in Canada all winter, unable to fly south, the cold and agitated geese have now become blood-thirsty monsters.” 

Biting, charging, and pooping have all been reported during these on-going goose attacks. And what’s worse, experts are predicting if the geese aren’t able to enjoy a mojito in Fort Myers soon, the attacks are only going to get worse.

“Our government needs to consider the consequences of mental health as a result of these lockdowns,” Dr Huang continued, “Forcing these geese to stay in Canada has clearly taken a toll on many of their psyches. We need to reopen the border and allow these poor, hard-working geese to take the vacations they deserve!”

Animal rights activists have partnered with Air Canada Rouge, and are going to offer discounted flights for geese to Varadero, Orlando, and Cancun.

Scott Slute is the Editor in Chief at The Toronto Harold

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