Etobicoke Man Celebrates Queen Victoria’s Birthday By Blowing Off Three Fingers

Etobicoke - A 34 year old man from the Mimico area celebrated Victoria Day the most Canadian way possible; by drinking fourteen Mooseheads then causing himself irreparable damage while setting off fire works.

”There’s nothing more Canadian than day drinking and dismemberment,” the man tells us from the Etobicoke General Hospital emergency room, “Plus they told me once they sew two of my fingers back on they’re gonna give me my second vaccine dose. Best May 2-4 ever bud!”

Regrettably the man’s third finger was unable to be recovered after his friend Riley, who drank the other fourteen beers in the 28 pack of Moosehead that included a free t-shirt, mistook the blown off appendage for a Beyond Meat hotdog.

From all the staff here at The Toronto Harold, happy May 2-4 buds.