Alberta Alters Constitution, Changes Official Language To “Illiterate Facebook Boomer Posts”

Edmonton - After Prime Minister Trudeau’s announcement this week Quebec could alter the constitution, changing it’s status to a nation and the official language French, Alberta was granted similar freedoms. The province now identifies as a nationalist state who’s official language is nonsensical, racist Facebook rants.

“This is very exciting news for our nation,” said Premier Jason Kenney, “Albertans can now live as they were born to live; posting endlessly on Facebook about how COVID is being used for mind control to convince the country oil is bad!”

“Who would have guessed TruDUMB, the real son of COMMUNIST leader Fidel CASTRO, would help our great nation,” a 61 year old Alberta resident who thinks vaccines will make him gay posted to Facebook, “It is GOOD day for our REAL leader Mr Kenney and the entire province and COUNTRY!”

Other Albertans are unsurprisingly skeptical of the news.

“This news seems good but is BAD,” one Albertan posted while sharing a link titled ‘The truth about Jerusalem’ from a website titled Real True World News Daily, “Look into the truth, this plan is FAKE and has deep roots that out great and truthful (🙄) ‘overlords’ will use to take away our constitutional rights!”*

Premier Ford expressed his desire for Ontario to be granted the same rights so that he could change the official language to ‘One freshly cracked egg sandwich please.”

*EDIT: In hindsight we’re actually not sure this had anything to do with today’s Alberta announcement but it came from a boomer in Alberta so maybe?