Olympic Committee Bans COVID-19

Tokyo - As the opening ceremonies for Tokyo 2020 prepare to begin, the games have now reported over 20 cases of COVID-19 amongst participants. In an effort to combat further spread, the IOC has now banned the virus indefinitely from the games.

“COVID-19 has no place at these Olympic games, and we therefore ban it, and any of its variants, from participating indefinitely,” the committee said in a statement Friday morning, “We have found bans to be the least problematic solution to problems being faced by the Olympics, and hope the international community understands.”

The committee said any viruses already in the Olympic village will be permitted to stay but must quarantine for 5 days. Or 5 hours. Or uh… they’ll get back to you.