Jessica Mulroney Begs Dutchess of Sussex To Let Her Out Of Bell Media Doghouse

By Paul Dudar

TORONTO – It has been weeks since Jessica Mulroney was thrown under the CTV Bus by Bell Media following her well-publicized attacks on Brand Ambassador and Influencer Sasha Exeter, and the disgraced stylist-to-the-stars has not rested easy.

“I’ve been trying to get a hold of my close, influential, personal, powerful, wonderful, connected, forgiving friend Megan Markle. You know, the sorta Duchess of Sussex,” Mulroney revealed. “Ol’ Megs isn’t getting back to me for some reason…she must be busy or something…I guess.”

The Harold caught up with Jessica and her husband Ben at the Bell Media Doghouse. “The Doghouse” is located in a dark, yet trendy, alley behind Bell Media headquarters at 299 Queen West. The Mulroney's have been hiding there since Jessica's reality show and contracts with major brands were cancelled. Unsolicited by this reporter, her husband, Ben Mulroney, boasted “We still have millions and millions of dollars in personal and inherited wealth.”

“I don’t get it! All I did was throw a run-of-the-mill rich-girl shitfit and threaten to destroy an Influencer, (who has spent over a decade building her brand from scratch) because she called upon her following to help fight systemic racism,” bemoaned Miss Mulroney. “My Crisis PR Firm is helping me manufacture the facade of personal change I need to portray so I can carry on making money off my friendship with Meghan Markel.”

The Harold reached out to the Duchess of Sussex to inquire if she had any intention of helping Mulroney out of the Bell Media Doghouse. As she was powerwalking away from this reporter, Markel responded “WHO?!?!?!!?”

At press time, Mulroney was busy responding to offers from Fox News to host their new bridal show, “It’s a Nice Day For A White Wedding.”

Paul Dudar is currently serving with The Royal Canadian Space Shuttle Door Gunners. More of Paul's work can be found at @pauldudar and on his website at pauldudar.com