“Beyond Meat” Manufacturers Introduce New Line Of “Beyond Food” Products To Combat Rising Grocery Prices
By Andrew Scott
Ottawa - As the cost of groceries in Canada continues to rise to unprecedented levels in 2023, the manufacturers of “Beyond Meat” have introduced their new product line of “Beyond Food,” featuring entirely empty packaging of nutritionally devoid zero calorie meals at affordable prices.
“Capitalizing on the momentum that we created last year with our plant-based burger,” states the Founder and CEO of Beyond Meat, “We are proud to respond to rising consumer costs with our affordable line of “Beyond Food” products that feature a delicious combination of air, infinitesimally small and tasteless atoms, and, frankly, nothing, all lovingly prepared in irresistible packaging for the Canadian consumer.”
“This is great news,” states Toronto man Steven Larson, 32, who has not been able to afford groceries over the past few months given the recent upswing of prices. “As I’ve basically been priced out of eating anyways, ‘Beyond Food’ will allow me to continue this practice without breaking the bank!”
“Beyond Food” is expected to hit Canadian grocery store shelves early next month, starting at the low cost of just $29.99.
Andrew Scott is a musician and writer who lives in Toronto in a house amongst children, antiquated technology of yesteryear and many, many instruments. Instagram, writing, poetry, more poetry.