John Tory Wears Raptors Blazer Again To Remind Everyone How Cool And Relatable He Is

By Gabriel Venneri

Toronto - Mayor John Tory was spotted sporting his fun Toronto Raptors blazer earlier this week in an attempt to remind Torontonians he’s just like them. Tory decided to dust off the jacket to counteract all the negative press he’s been getting as of late. 

“Eyy, remember me? C’mon it’s good ol’ 2018 John Tory, the same guy who was around when the Raptors won the big game!” remarked Tory, while giving finger guns to pedestrians around City Hall, “Everyone loved me and my cool jacket back then, maybe you all just need a reminder! When they won, I invited the whole team to City Hall and this huge crowd showed up to see me and my blazer! Remember that? Do you?”

The Mayor was also heard referring to himself as the “sixth player on the basketball field” and attempted to give high fives to unsuspecting passersby. When no one was willing to reciprocate his high fives, Tory was seen moping by the Toronto sign talking to his blazer. “Gosh I guess no one likes me anymore Mr. Blazer. What could I have done in the last five years to get people to hate me so much and what can I do to fix it? I guess I’ll just never know…”

When asked if he had any plans to address the crisis of violence on the TTC, Mayor Tory hid under his blazer like it was the invisibility cloak from Harry Potter and scuttled away.

A spokesperson for the Toronto Raptors said the organization was doing everything they could to distance themselves from the matter and recover the blazer that they loaned the Mayor in 2018. 

Gabriel Venneri is a contributing writer at The Toronto Harold. You can find him on Instagram at @gabevenn