Canadian Government To Ban Reusable Shopping Bags Because You’re A Big Strong Boy Who Can Carry Everything In His Hands

Ottawa - After it’s ban on single use plastic bags earlier this year, the federal government says that by June 1 of this year they plan to also ban reusable bags and will instead be simply encouraging Canadians to just hold on to all their groceries.

“Eliminating plastic bags was just stir first step in our governments plan to not only eliminate our carbon footprint, but to build a country of tough guys who can just hold everything they’ve purchased,” stated Prime Minister Justin Trudeau, “We can’t forget the impact these reusable bags also have on the environment, and the impact you have on those around you who will think you’re a big baby if you aren’t awkwardly clasping dozens of food items in your local Metro.”

Most Canadian men aged 18-65 tell us they weren’t even aware Canada had banned the use of single use plastic bags earlier this year.

“Oh is that so. Definitely hasn’t impacted my life in any way,” an extremely out-of-breath Kyle Steward tells us while walking to his Kia Forte holding a dozen bananas, a bag of frozen avocados, six chicken breasts, a package of large tortillas, one broccoli crown, a clamshell of arugula, a medium bottle of Frank’s Red Hot, several rolls of jumbo paper towel, two Old El Paso fajita seasoning packets, a kilo of sea salt, three pounds of coffee beans and eighteen extra large eggs.

When asked what to do with all the reusable shopping bags, the federal government advised Canadians that one of the reusable shopping bags they have could be used as a storage vessel for all the other reusable shopping bags they’ve purchased over the last several months.