BREAKING: Polkaroo Tests Positive For COVID-19

Toronto - In a virtual Zoom press conference held Thursday, Ontario’s COVID Taskforce Chief Polkaroo resigned in disgrace after having exposed Premier Ford to the virus. Following weeks of sky-rocketing COVID case numbers in Ontario, and an ineffective and baffling lockdown strategy, the once-beloved creature decided to step aside.

Over the weekend, Polkaroo had been spotted at a party at an unidentified home in York Region, subsequently testing positive for COVID on Tuesday night. Unfortunately, Polka-roo had already worked Monday and Tuesday at Queen's Park without wearing a mask. During this time, he Polka-mouth breathed on several staffers and Premier Ford.

"Polka-rooooooo, Polka-roo, Polkaroo," bemoaned Polkaroo shamefully. "Polka-roo.....POLKA-ROOOOOO!" The disgraced former official then sundered his garments.

Ford then made a lengthy and drawn-out statement that the press couldn't hear due to the Premier's Zoom being muted. When Fords Zoom audio resumed he concluded "-to me, all lives matter."

At press time, Polkaroo announced that he had accepted the lead COVID Response role in Jason Kenney's Cabinet.

Paul Dudar is a contributing author to The Toronto Harold. More of Paul’s work can be found on Twitter @PaulDudar and his website www.pauldudar.com

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