Long-Term Care Residents Disguise Themselves As Train Cars In Order To Get A Provincial Inquiry

Ottawa - Following the Ontario government’s call for a public inquiry into Ottawa’s bemused LRT system, local nursing home residents have begun dressing up as LRT train cars in hopes the province will also look into their situation.

“It was all Arthur’s brilliant idea to finally get the provincial government’s attention,” 87 year old Edith Murray tells us from her soiled bed sheets, “Once we started pretending to be an inefficient rail system instead of human beings, Premier Ford suddenly became very interested in us.”

The residents of Shadypines Nursing Home, who recently changed their name to Kanata Line 3, say that since acting like a failed transit service they’ve received almost $2 billion in provincial funding, the most money LTC homes have received in almost 50 years.

“In my entire life, I’ve never seen so much money,” says 91 year old Merrill Hanes, “We’re living in luxury now, the nurses have finally been able to buy us toilet paper!”

The Ford government says their goal of the inquiry is to find ways to generate as much money as possible from these things they’ve just learned about.