James Webb Telescope Images Confirms Toronto Is In Fact Center Of Universe

By Gabriel Venneri

Science - NASA’s James Webb space telescope released its first images of the universe earlier this week, and Torontonians are excited to see confirmation that their city is in fact located right in the center of the universe.

“I couldn’t believe it, I usually don’t pay attention to science stuff but that is obviously Toronto! My friends in Hamilton are gonna be so pissed when I show them proof that we really are the center of the universe!” said one Torontonian upon seeing one of the photos.

“Yeah! That big shiny star looking thing is obviously the CN Tower, what else could it possibly be?” said another resident.

Mayor John Tory couldn’t hold back his excitement in his press conference relating to the news; “Everyone who lives here knows that this truly is the greatest city in the universe, and to have scientific proof only strengthens our better-than-everyone-else attitude towards the rest of Canada. Canadians from other cities can continue to call us rude, stuck up, or self centered but we know that they’re just jealous that they aren't the literal center of everything. We have the greatest infrastructure, public transit system, and hockey team. Don’t believe us? Just ask these science photos.”

Tory ended the conference stating that he has changed his title from Mayor of Toronto to Mayor of the Universe.