City Blames Raccoon For Lack Of Affordable Housing

City Hall - Toronto Mayor Olivia Chow announced early Monday morning that the city had determined the cause of it’s current housing crisis, pinning it on a raccoon who owns 50,000 uninhabited condos.

“It appears this little guy fell into a big pile of deeds and accidentally signed tens of thousands of them,” stated Chow, “But unfortunately, although we have determined the culprit, he refuses to sell or rent the units and unfortunately there is nothing we can do about it.”

The city also determined the Toronto Maple Leaf’s disappointing season has been a result of three raccoons in a trench coat mascaraing as an assistant coach.