City of Toronto Recommends Making Lockdown Even Weirder By Banging Your Roommate

Toronto - As the Toronto and Peel regions enter into their first day of lockdown, the City of Toronto has issued new COVID safety guidelines, including the very real and 100% not photoshopped suggestions that if you’re feeling horny you should just fuck your roommate.

In the fact sheet issued by Toronto Public Health, the city recommends that if masturbation isn’t quite cutting it (yes really), that you could always just saunter down the hall and see what your roommate, who’s your best friend’s boyfriend’s cousin, is doing later that night. The guidelines state that crossing that line of intimacy with the person you live with and never being able to unsee their naked body is still not as bad as contracting coronavirus. 

The safety guidelines include the suggestion to avoid kissing and engage in sexual acts that limit face-to-face contact. The city says doing so will help to both prevent the spread of COVID-19 and to ensure the act has zero intimacy so that you and your roommate don’t get too emotionally invested for when this inevitably blows up in your face. 

Some helpful guidelines provided by the City on how to safely hookup with your roommate.

The City of Toronto also states hooking up with your roommate will not only benefit you, but your community as well. With the stresses on mental health during lockdown being a major concern, city officials say starting a “friends with benefits” arrangement with your roommate will provide your friend group with enough gossip material to take their minds off the second wave of the pandemic.

City of Toronto’s recommended facemark for sexual adventure.

To make your roommate sex even safer, the city recommends incorporating masks into the bedroom in fun and creative ways (their words). They suggest using masks with expressions on them, such as a smiley face to denote pleasure and consent, or a scowl to let Stephen know you’re horny but still mad he forgot to take out the recycling last week. 

The City of Barrie released a similar COVID sex guideline over the weekend, however they had to clearly stipulate “someone you live with” did not include family members.