Deadbeat Son Worries What His Excuse Will Be Next Year For Not Visiting On Mother’s Day

By Scott Slute 

Guelph - As Canadians continue to get vaccinated, it feels like a return to normal is just around the corner. Unfortunately for 31 year old Kirk McFarley, that means this will probably be the last Mother’s Day where he has a valid excuse for why he isn’t coming to brunch today. 

Kirk, a George Brown photography student who’s currently attempting to complete college for the fifth time, says that although COVID shut down all of his favourite bars, the silver lining has been the endless excuses to never see his family who financially support his lifestyle and love him unconditionally for some reason. 

“Oh ya bud, anything I don’t want to do I just blame on COVID. I mean like I’ll just see my sister’s baby when it’s older it won’t even remember me it’s only a few months old,” Kirk tells us in an exclusive interview from his King West condo his dad pays for, “I mean come on I pay for the utilities and half the internet can you not write that part?”

And for the second time in a row, Kirk has been able to avoid going home to Guelph to visit his mother on Mother’s Day, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t planning to make her day special. 

“Hey Mom I’d love to be there today but the government said it’s not safe,” Kirk says in a voicemail to his mother, “Also you never sent my e-transfer for this month, you know whenever you have a chance. Happy Mother’s Day by the way.”

Kirk tells us he’s pretty concerned what excuse he’s going to use next year, but says thankfully the long vaccination queue combined with him not even trying to book a vaccine appointment means it’s possible he could still be unvaccinated come next year. 

Scott Slute is the Editor in Chief at The Toronto Harold 

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