Jennifer McKelvie Frantically Spends Final Day In Office Looking For A Scandal To Tarnish Her Reputation

By Andrew Scott

Toronto - As what has been a largely effective and controversy-free time in Toronto municipal politics comes to an end, Toronto Deputy Mayor Dr. Jennifer McKelvie is reported to be spending her final day looking for something scandalous, inappropriate, and suggestive of an abuse of power to do in order to finish up her time in office.

“It is a longstanding tradition that Toronto Mayors leave the perch in disgrace,” states McKelvin, pointing to John Tory’s inappropriate relationship with a much younger staffer, Mel Lastman threatening to kill Adam Vaughan, or the Rob Ford smoking crack video. “You can be darn sure that I’m going to find something to do today to sully my otherwise blemish-free tenure.”

Although an emergency meeting is reported to have run through the night looking for something unseemly for McKelvie to do today, as of this reporting, nothing untoward has occurred. 

Andrew Scott is a musician and writer who lives in Toronto in a house amongst children, antiquated technology of yesteryear and many, many instruments. Instagram, writing, poetry, more poetry.