Doug Ford Announces Beer And Wine At Park Drinking Fountains

By Jeff Katz

Toronto - With beer and wine now available at convenience stores, the Ford government has announced its next step in making alcoholic beverages truly available to all Ontarians. According to a government spokesperson, “By adapting our outdoor fountains with coin and tap payment options, folks will be able to slurp down a cool beer or refreshing wine at parks and parkettes, free of hassle.”

Asked whether this will compromise the park atmosphere, the spokesperson replied, “On the contrary. Fountain booze means no bottles, no cans, no bags. So every hour for Mother Nature will be happy hour.”  

The trial project launches next summer, promoting the nature/beverage connection with the slogan, “Ontario, drink it in.”

Jeff Katz is a Torontonian copywriter, songwriter, and cartoonist at signdoodle.com.