Doug Ford Vows To End Homelessness By Killing All Of Them

By Clare Mooney

Queen’s Park - With the constantly increasing cost of living nationally, homelessness in Toronto is on the rise. With the public turning to elected officials for solutions, Doug Ford has made a sweeping statement vowing to completely eliminate the issue in Toronto and the GTA. He has come forward with a multi-step plan, taking place over several months, which he claims will not bother the housed residents of the city and will also reduce taxes by decreasing need for public resources like shelters. His statement is as follows:

“Due to complaints regarding the increasing homelessness in our city, I have decided to allocate resources, mainly police officials, to solving this issue. Over the course of the next few years, we will be slowly liquidating the unhoused population. Officials will also be permitted to take liberties and eliminate those who they do not like. This will make for a safer and happier city, and will reduce taxes over time.”

Citizens have noted their confusion on what Ford means by “liquidating,” which forced him to make another public statement: “We’re killing all of the homeless people.”

Clare Mooney is a contributing writer at The Toronto Harold.