Drake Offers To Buy City Of Toronto

By Gabriel Venneri

Toronto - After offering to buy Randy’s Patties, an institution in Toronto’s Little Jamaica neighborhood, hip hop superstar Drake has set his sights higher. After Mayor John Tory posted a photo of the Toronto sign on Instagram, Drake was quick to comment: “I’ll buy it, all of it, right now”

When asked to comment Mayor Tory said, “At first I thought he was talking about just the sign, but then he made me an offer for the whole city. I’m honestly not sure I’m legally allowed to sell the city but our lawyers are looking into it and we haven’t said no to anything yet.”

Drake’s team said he has big changes in mind for the city including his signature Gold and Black OVO owl replacing the current flag, renaming all sports teams “The Toronto Drakes”, and changing major street names to girls he’s sang about in his songs (with the exception of De Grassi St). Drake would assume duties as mayor, or as he would be known: “Regent King of the 6ix”.

There are also rumours of a collab to bring in The Weeknd as his deputy Mayor, along with replacing city council with your friends who have stories of “seeing Drake’s mom once at a restaurant”.

Gabriel Venneri is a contributing writer at The Toronto Harold. You can find him on Instagram at @gabevenn