Gas Prices In Toronto Rise To One Human Kidney

Toronto - If you’re heading to the pumps this weekend prepare to pay a little more than usual, as for the first time ever gas prices have risen to the cost of your kidney.

Due to a global shortage on gas, drivers in Toronto can expect to sell their own organs if they need to fill up this weekend, a record high price for the city.

“It’s been hard enough getting by with the cost of everything else in this city,” 32 year old Elizabeth Green tells us while performing a vivisection on herself in the backseat of her Corolla, “Last Thursday I had to exchange my first-born son for a weeks worth of groceries. I think it’s time to start looking at moving to Hamilton.”

Financial experts warn that as we continue to come out of the pandemic, the price of gas could rise as high as both kidneys, or even signing a contract to sell your soul to the devil on the eve of the next fortnight.

But the good news is the kidney doesn’t necessarily have to belong to the driver! Gas stations say they’ll take any working human kidney that’s been properly stored on ice for no less than 24 hours.