Galen Weston To Freeze Himself Until Inflation Is Under Control

Toronto - Galen Weston Jr., chairman & president of Loblaws Companies Limited, announced on Wednesday evening that he intends to freeze himself until inflation is under control. He will undergo the risky deep-tissue freezing procedure (dubbed PC Express-Freeze™) this Friday and his body will be stored in the freezer of Loblaw's urban flagship location on 15 Bathurst street in Toronto.

In a bizarrely apostic internal email uncovered by the Toronto Harold he noted, “Food is my life and I want everyone to understand my commitment to low prices. I may be sacrificing my body but my spirit will live on, until I am reborn in a low-cost tomorrow.” Galen’s body will be preserved in a specially produced life-size Green Giant sweet pea bag until it is ready to thaw

While the general public may be perplexed by Galen’s decision, Stacy, a senior account manager from Think-Forward Marketing believes otherwise. “This is not just a marketing stunt but an impressive move into the fast growing cryogenics industry,” Stacy says, "With the recent global supply chain issues, Loblaws is estimated to have over 10 million square feet of empty freezer space in Toronto. What better way to use the space and generate more revenue than to freeze people.”

Visitors of the flagship location will be able to view the body starting next Monday but only by special appointment. The company has said they may move Galen from the back freezer to frozen foods aisles once they have deemed the freeze safe. But watch out they say, it’ll be a hefty price tag if you try to check-out with this giant bag of peas.