Ford Unveils Plans For New “Dollar Vaccine” Initiative

“Folks, after the incredible success of my Dollar Beer campaign, Ontario will be launching a similar program as part of our vaccine rollout.”

By Scott Slute

Toronto - Earlier this week the province opened up it’s vaccination bookings to all adult residents in designated “hot spots”. Unfortunately, due to long wait-times and a confusing registration portal, some residents have still been unable to book their appointment. In response Premier Ford has unveiled his latest proposal, The Doug Ford Dollar Vaccine Initiative, which he hopes will help make vaccines more accessible.

“Folks, much like beer, I know how important vaccines are to the people of Ontario,” Ford said from his virtual press conference, “But I know these are financially troublesome times, with businesses in some sectors being closed for over a year, and our essential workers often living paycheck-to-paycheck. Which is why my government is pleased to announce our new Dollar Vaccine Initiative.” 

Drawing from the incredible success Ford had with his 2018 Dollar Beer campaign, the new Dollar Vaccine Initiative will provide those who need the vaccine an affordable alternative to the regular “big guy” competition. Ford even revealed the Dollar Vaccine could be administered by yourself at home so you won’t need to take any time off work.  

“We’re in talks with the big guys to get onboard with this, but right now we only have one company called PharmaSven. They’re a trendy new vaccine startup based in Sweden,” Ford explained, “And their vaccine hasn’t been approved for human use by any medical board in any country, but they do come in this stylish yet minimalist packaging. We’re expecting to have 6-packs of these bad boys on the shelves by Canada Day.”

When the press conference opened up for questions, a reporter from NewsTalk 1010 questioned the need for even having a “dollar vaccine” when vaccines were already free of charge to those receiving them. 

A bewildered Ford stared blankly into the camera for several seconds before pretending to take a very important phone call, walking off screen never to return. 

Scott Slute is the Editor in Chief at The Toronto Harold

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