Freedom Convoy Supporters Eagerly Await Instructions On Whether To Support Russia Or Ukraine

By Graham Kritzer

Red Deer – As Russia’s illegal advancement and subsequent incursion into Ukraine enters its second week, Canada’s Freedom Convoy supporters are having mixed feelings about how to react, and exactly whose side they should be taking.

“Usually someone like Pat King or Tamara Lich would be sending us facebook posts and memes about who we should be cheering for, but they’re in prison so we kinda gotta fend for ourselves I guess” said Red Deer resident Mike Murphy. Adding“Putin doesn’t seem so bad. Trudeau hates him which means he must be good. Plus he’s white. Wait are Ukrainians white? Geez…this is a pickle.”

Murphy isn’t the only member of Canada’s confused convoy collective who are unsure of how to proceed on social media forums and various alt-right meme echo chambers. The CBC obtained several screenshots of different convoy facebookgroups where comments like “What day is it”, What is a Ukraine,” Pat King would know what to do” and “Pat King owes me $80,000” were quite commonplace.

Pierre Poilievre, a Conservative MP and a candidate for their Federal Leadership offered some advice to the belaboured and mentally exhausted freedom convoy enthusiasts. “In French we have a saying, ‘Je T’aime Lemmings’ and I know that right now the freedom convoy seems like a rudderless ship, lost in a sea of Lakeport Lager and gravy. But rest assured my fellow friends, that I will be along soon to tell you how to think. Merci. Vousêtes idiots”

As of Press time, the freedom convoy were in the backyard wearing cooking pots on their heads and running at each other like bulls.

Graham Kritzer is a contributing writer at The Toronto Harold. More of his work can be found at @grahamkritzer