Ontario Doctors Say Canada Dry Cures COVID

By Scott Slute

Toronto - New research out of the Doug Ford Institution of Private Sector Interest-Backed Science has discovered that the popular ginger ale can be used as an effective means in combating COVID-19.

Ontario’s top doctor announced during a press conference that, along with eliminating PCR testing and shortening quarantine periods, he is recommending Ontarians who contract the virus have a big glass of Canada Dry to kill the virus.

“We all know that Canada Dry has been used on the front lines of medicine for decades,” said Dr Kieran Moore, “And this new research indicates that at the onset of symptoms, drinking Canada Dry will kill the virus and allow you to return to work right away.”

Dr Moore said that while Schweppes was only 70% effective at killing the virus, both products will help slow the spread and Ontarians should drinking the first ginger ale offered to them.

Scott Slute is the Editor in Chief at The Toronto Harold