Ontario Announces Lowest Daily COVID Cases Ever After They Stop Testing

By Scott Slute

Queen’s Park - After yesterday’s announcement that PCR tests would only be available to high-risk patients and the extremely wealthy, Ontario joyfully announced today that the province was now COVID free.

“Folks, it’s been a trying two years,” announced Premier Doug Ford, “But thanks to my tireless efforts Ontario is now reporting pre-pandemic case counts!”

The province said the triumphant 0 cases day was thanks to the tireless work from doctors and nurses, a successful vaccine rollout, and complete negligence.

And on the same day that Quebec announced they would be going back into a lockdown, Ford offered advise to the neighbouring province.

“You know you look at Quebec and see how out of control their case count is. Well, Ontario could be in that same position if we didn’t get a head start on boosters and not keeping up with PCR testing demands,” explained Ford, “It doesn’t count as a COVID outbreak if you don’t know everyone has COVID.”

The province is looking forward to a brighter 2022, and only 6 more months until a provincial election.

Scott Slute is the Editor in Chief at The Toronto Harold