Reading From His Blackberry, Doug Ford Makes Technological Education Mandatory For Ontario High School Students

By Andrew Scott

Queen’s Park - Ontario Premier Doug Ford, frequently referencing the microscopic text from his Blackberry Pearl Flip, announced Friday that Ontario high school students will have to take a mandatory technology course in order to be prepared for the province’s current expectation of its workforce.

“Folks, we’ve heard from employers loud and clear in this province,” said a clearly flummoxed Ford, who needed coaching on how to use the clicker he was given to toggle between the slide deck of his PowerPoint 95 file, “And technological know-how is a must have in order to get a job in this day and age.”

When asked by reporters to expand upon his reasoning for making the curricular change, Ford assured those present that he had their contact information in his Rolodex that he keeps on his desk, and would be back in touch very soon.

Andrew Scott is a musician and writer who lives in Toronto in a house amongst children, antiquated technology of yesteryear and many, many instruments. Instagram, writing, poetry, more poetry.