Princess Diana Makes The Queen Sit In The Irish Side Of Heaven

By Graham Kritzer

Heaven – Queen Elizabeth the 2nd passed away today, but that was only the first surprise for the former head of the Royal family. Upon reaching the Pearly Gates, her royal highness was stunned when she was greeted not by St. Peter, but by her former daughter-in-law Princess Diana of Wales.

“As soon as I saw her, I said ‘fuck’,” stated the Queen, “I just knew she was gonna try and fuck me over and I was right.”

“The Princess came running at me full speed before I started my shift at the gates” said St. Peter, “And she was all out of breath and smiling and was like ‘Peter, the Queen is coming please let me take care of her’ and I was like sure thing I trust you will treat her like royalty, pun intended.”

Princess Diana wasted no time in assigning Queen Elizabeth a room in the Irish wing of heaven. “I asked her if she had any questions or concerns and she just scowled at me, and then she asked if there were any cars or dimly lit tunnels up here. Then I handed her a cup of Irish Breakfast tea and she threw it on the floor. She’s gonna love it here.”

As of press time, The Queen was seen peeling potatoes for an Irish stew she will be making for eternity.

Graham Kritzer is a contributing writer at The Toronto Harold. More of his work can be found at @grahamkritzer