Ontario Will Now Teach Grade 9 Students How To Pay Off Crippling Student Loan Debts By The Time They’re 62

By Scott Slute

Queen’s Park - Minister of Education Stephen Lecce announced that Ontario will be modernizing their curriculum by preparing students as young as 14 that basically everything sucks and all their hopes and dreams are not going to happen.

“We want to let our Grade 9 students know that their lives are only going downhill from here,” Lecce announced in a statement, “We want to ensure our students know how to properly handle finances so they will be able to continue making payments on that English degree will into their 50’s.”

Lecce stated the modernized curriculum will ensure students develop the skills they need to navigate the system that is rigged against them.

Aside from debt management, the modernized curriculum will also teach student other relevant money-management skills like how to ask their parents for a $150,000 down payment on a mortgage.

The curriculum is set to come into place 20 years too late.

Scott Slute is the Editor in Chief at The Toronto Harold