Trudeau Hopeful That Continued Protests Means He Won’t Ever Have To Announce A Campaign Platform

Cambridge - After his second campaign event was cancelled within a week due to large protests, Prime Minister Trudeau has stated he’s hopeful protests can continue up until the election so he won’t ever have to announce a stance on anything.

After the event was cancelled, the Prime Minister took the time to speak to several esteemed journalists, including this publication.

“I mean it’s unfortunate these events had to be cancelled. But truthfully it was kind of a blessing I was really just going to wing it,” Trudeau says, showing us a single queue card he prepared for the event which simply said “climate change!”.

When pressed by our reporters on what exactly his stance on vaccine passports was, the Prime Minister responded, “Vaccine passports? Oh ya, that’s definitely an issue. Next question.”

Affordable housing has been a hot button issue throughout the campaign, with Conservative leader Erin O’Toole making a surprisingly progressive promise to build one million homes over the next three years. The Liberals, on the other hand, have been rather vague, and seemingly plan to do their usual tactic of printing money and hurling it at the problem.

“Housing? Pff, don’t even get me started on that. Oh my god there’s another violent mob behind you,” Trudeau yelled while throwing down a smoke bomb that burst into an explosion of money.

The Prime Minister was then seen scuttling off to his bus and driving away.