JK Rowling Reveals Harry Potter Was Circumcised
By Scott Slute
London - In a recent interview with The Daily Oracle, author JK Rowling gave her readers more information no one was asking for, and revealed that the beloved wizard does not have a foreskin.
This new revelation joins the list of other post-publication information Rowling has revealed, including the sexuality of Professor Dumbledore and the fact that Hermione Granger would go on to become a registered Republican.
A more shocking revelation from the interview, however, was the fact that Harry’s forehead wasn’t the only place with a scar.
Rowling went on for far too long explaining in violently graphic detail about how Harry’s surgeon botched the operation. She explained the doctor was a struggling alcoholic and had consumed several butterbeers prior to the operation. He then attempted the circumcision while intoxicated, leaving Harry with a hideous scar across his penis.
Despite the interviewer insisting that she stop talking, Rowling went on to explain how Harry’s penile scar would later negatively impact his marriage to Ginny Weasley, and how the two would spend years in couples counseling in order to work through it.
Rowling also hinted that perhaps Harry’s confidence in his ability to defeat the evil Lord Voldemort came from an overcompensation for his grotesque penile scar.
She informed readers that while attending muggle school prior to Hogwarts, Harry would frequently be bullied about his deformed penis by the other boys in the changeroom during gym class. She implied that perhaps Harry saw those school bullies within Voldemort, however, said she would leave that up to the reader’s interpretation.
Despite no one asking, she also wanted readers to know Harry was not Jewish and the surgery was performed for health reasons. She noted that at the time of Harry’s birth the Wizarding World was also being impacted by the AIDs epidemic, and top wizard scientists at the time indicated circumcision was an effecting preventative measure.
She concluded the interview by informing fans that Ron Weasley was, obviously, uncircumcised.
Scott Slute is the Editor in Chief at The Toronto Harold