Doug Ford Designates The Toronto Harold As A Terrorist Group

Toronto - Following in the footsteps of the federal government’s decision to label the Proud Boys as a terrorist organization, Ontario Premier Doug Ford announced today his government has designated local parody news site The Toronto Harold as a terrorist organization.

“Friends, for nearly 10 months this organization has been committing cyber bullying towards me that one could only describe as domestic terrorism,” the premier stated, “Folks, this hateful redirect towards me must come to an end. I don’t even own gorillas it’s a metaphor!”

The premier than repeated this in patois.

“Friends, just look at some of their past attacks,” Ford continued, “From pointing out that I have defunded everything but the police, and subsequently exposing the hypocrisy in me being furious at the state of long-term care homes after I cut all funding to them, to pointing out that my body is shaped like a gourd. They even tried to nickname me Doug Gourd!”

The Harold’s offices have since been abandoned. Their founder put out a statement tonight claiming to have escaped to a made-up country he called “Manitoba”.