Mayor Tory Announces Return Of Even More Four Piece Pop-Up Jazz Bands To City Parks This Summer

By Gabriel Venneri

Grange Park - Mayor John Tory unveiled the city’s plans for its outdoor summer events this week. The announcement included street festivals, expanded patios, and a record setting amount of pop-up jazz concerts in the city’s parks.

“As the weather in the city warms, citizens are eager to get back outdoors and explore the city. We are happy to announce that we are requiring every city park to have a live jazz band at all times. It’s gonna be out of sight, a real 18 karat thing, the cat’s meow man,” Mayor Tory said in a low, smooth voice while sporting a fedora and dark sunglasses.

“Toronto has over 1500 swingin’ parks and green spaces to groove on. Rest assured Jack, there will be jazz bands blowin on their horns, and pluckin’ on their stand up basses in each and every one of them. Heck you may even hear a banjo or two, it’s all good mama. Our goal is that jazz music will always be heard no matter where you are in the city, 24 hours a day baby,” he continued, rhythmically snapping.

When one reporter attempted to ask about potential noise complaints, Tory responded saying “Why are you bringin’ us down with all the questions daddy-o? We’re just trying to have a boppin’ time, ya dig? Jazz is everyone’s bag.” He then took the opportunity to announce that his own jazz band, The John Tory High Flyin’ All Star Quartet, would be “noodlin’ and jammin’” at city hall every Saturday night.

The mayor then ended the press conference with 45 minutes of scat singing.

Gabriel Venneri is a contributing writer at The Toronto Harold. You can find him on Instagram at @gabevenn