Toronto Man Facing Disciplinary Action After Failing To Increase Tie Knot Width By 30%

By Andrew Scott

Toronto - Upon returning to his Bay Street office after a 16-month absence due to COVID lockdowns, Toronto man, Bennett Stinson, discovered yesterday that tie knot width is up 30% this spring. 

Shamefully hiding the thin knot of his ironic “Say Anything” era John Cusack skinny tie while skulking off to the mail room in a pathetic attempt to not be noticed, Stinson, age 35, acknowledges that he missed the company missive regarding the recent policy change. 

“I mean after a year-and-a-half of wearing sweatpants and an avocado toast stained T-shirt at home, I barely remember how to tie a necktie, let alone a double Windsor with appropriate girth and heft.”

For their part, senior management at Stinson’s law firm have been tightlipped about the necktie debacle, but did indicate that there would be a meeting about the issue next Friday at 4 PM, encouraging Stinson to bring a representative from HR. 

Andrew Scott is a musician and writer who lives in Toronto in a house amongst children, antiquated technology of yesteryear and many, many instruments. Instagram, writing, poetry, more poetry.