Olivia Chow Forms Allegiance With Mr. Burns To Borrow Sun Blocker And Tax Otherwise Free Vitamin D

By Andrew Scott

City Hall - In her ongoing efforts to resolve Toronto’s fiscal crisis and anticipated decade-long $40 billion deficit, Toronto Mayor Olivia Chow is reported to have struck a deal with Montgomery Burns, owner of the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant, to borrow his Sun Blocker and blot out the city’s sun unless Torontonians pay to a mandatory Vitamin D tax.

“Council needs to take drastic steps,” stated Chow last Wednesday, “to deal with the projected $46.5 billion dollar deficit that Toronto will face over the next decade. After Premier Doug Ford said no to me, I turned to the next most diabolical person I know for support.”

In addition to the proposed Sun Blocker, Chow and her team are considering a new graduated rate on the Municipal Land Transfer Tax for homes, lifting  the $5-per-hour cap for on-street parking, and taxing the often-polluted air that Torontonians are forced to breathe. 

Andrew Scott is a musician and writer who lives in Toronto in a house amongst children, antiquated technology of yesteryear and many, many instruments. Instagram, writing, poetry, more poetry.