Ontario Reports Vaccinating 40% Of Adults… As Long If You Don’t Count All The Millennial Babies Still Living With Their Parents As “Adults”

By Scott Slute

Toronto - The Ontario government hit a monumental milestone on Friday after administering at least one COVID-19 dose to 40% of adults across the province who have a savings account.

Dr David Williams, MD pictured here beside twin brother Droopy the Dog

The news came as a shock to many millennials, who despite making up the majority of frontline workers, are still not illegible for vaccines. However, Ontario’s top doctor and 1940’s cartoon character come to life David Williams elaborated on exactly how they determined vaccination rates.

“Oh no sorry we meant 40% of REAL adults,” said Ontario’s top doctor, “Our reporting doesn’t include 36 year old bartenders who drink Old Style Pilsner all day at work while packing up to-go chicken wings and just asked their mom to borrow $1200 to invest in Dogecoin.”

Although still ineligible for the vaccine, many young Ontarians say they would get the vaccine. Not because they actually care about being vaccinated but it would just be a nice excuse to leave their essential job for a few hours.

“I would definitely get the vaccine if it was offered to me,” says 23 year old Rebeeca Stone, a Loblaws cashier who has worked in the public every day since the onset of the pandemic, “But I’m not sure if I’d even have time since I work 60 hours a week and I can’t get time off from work to do it. Oh well, I live in Peel and we’re just weeks away from herd immunity anyways.”

The Ford government told younger residents not to worry just yet, as they would be unveiling their “Dollar Vaccine Initiative” later this month.

Scott Slute is the Editor in Chief at The Toronto Harold

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