Doug Ford Blames All Of Ontario’s Problems On Evil Twin Gloug Bord

By Scott Slute

Queen’s Park - Facing massive backlash for his handling of the pandemic, including the recent spike in cases due to his loosening of restrictions amidst the third wave, Premier Ford revealed to the Ontario public that everything bad that happened to the province is the fault of his evil twin brother Gloug Bord.

“Folks, I have some very troubling news to share with you,” Ford said to the onlooking media during his daily press conference, “It has been brought to my attention that my evil twin brother Gloug Bord has been impersonating me and making terrible decisions that have negatively impacted the good people of Ontario.”

Ford than turned his back to the camera, pulled something out of his pocket, fiddled around with his face, turned back to the camera and had somehow been replaced by his evil twin Gloug Bord!

“That’s right! It was me all along! My twin brother Doug did nothing wrong,” said the moustached Bord, “I was the one who opened patios ten days ago! And I’ve been the one in charge of vaccine rollout! And, most evil of all, I hope God DOESN’T bless the people of Ontario! Mwahahahahaha!”

Turn his back to the camera once again and brushing something from his face, Bord was suddenly replaced by Ford who continued addressing the press core, “You may have not realized it was evil Gloug making all these decisions because his face mask hides his distinctive evil moustache! But friends, I promise you everything you dislike about me was all his fault, not mine.”

After his massive incompetency has been exposed to the public, Gloug Bord has since been appointed chairman of the TTC.

Scott Slute is the Editor in Chief at The Toronto Harold