Johnny Bower To Come Out Of Retirement, Despite Being Dead, To Return As Leafs Goalie

By Gabriel Venneri

Sports - Due to the Toronto Maple Leafs recent struggles in goaltending, the Iconic Johnny Bower has announced his unretirement and return to the living realm to once again strap on his pads and help his old team by playing goalie.

“These past five years of being dead, I’ve realized my place is still in the net and not in the afterlife,” Bower, who passed away in 2017 at the age of 93, said in a statement “Besides, have you seen their goaltending lately? God It’s so embarrassing.”

“Johnny had reached out to me while I was eating breakfast one morning,” said Leafs GM Kyle Dubas, “I looked at my piece of toast and noticed burn marks that said ‘your goalies suck’. We then talked to him through a spiritual medium, it didn’t take much to convince him to come back. He told us he was rolling over at how pathetic our goaltending looked the last few months”

The legendary Bower, who last played in 1969 says he’s “excited to return, because literally anything would be better than the current goalie situation. Seriously, what’s going on with Mrazek out there? And now you’re going with some fourth string AHL call up? I guess I’ll just do it myself”

Fans are hopeful that if something as unlikely as Johnny Bower coming back from the dead can happen, then maybe the Leafs can win a Stanley Cup for the first time in 55 years. Although let’s be honest, we’re probably going to get bounced in the first round again.

Gabriel Venneri is a contributing writer at The Toronto Harold. You can find him on Instagram at @gabevenn