Peaceful Protest In Ottawa Did Not Become Riot, That’s Just What Hull Looks Like Year Round

By Scott Slute

Ottawa - An early report form the CBC claimed that a peaceful protest in solidarity with the murder of George Floyd taking place within Ottawa and the surrounding area had turned into a city-destroying riot. Upon further investigation, however, the report was disproven after it was discovered that’s actually what Hull looks like all the time. 

Boarded-up storefronts, smashed windows, and an over-bearing police presence lead those unfamiliar with the Ottawa suburb to believe that a violent riot and just gone through Hull. 

Downtown Hull, not post-riot, just a normal day.

Residents of the area were quick to reassure everyone, however, that this was just a normal day in Hull. 

“Oh ya, this is how it normally looks. In fact, I think it’s looking cleaner than usual,” Hull resident Guy Fromage tells us, after stepping over an unconscious prostitute to give us an interview, “Oh ouais, voilà à quoi ça ressemble normalement. En fait, je pense que c'est plus propre que d’habitude.”

Fires were also reported to be be sweeping through the area, making it impossible to see Hull from the Ottawa side of the river due to heavy smoke. That too was later discovered to be untrue, as it was just the smoke stacks from Hull’s extremely inefficient paper mills.    

The protest in Ottawa lasted approximately two hours, roughly the same amount of time a Hull resident spends commuting to get groceries. 

Scott Slute is the Editor in Chief of The Toronto Harold