“Bro! You’re Still Here?” Trudeau Exclaims As He Passes Scheer In Parliament Corridor
by Paul Dudar
OTTAWA- Today, as Prime Minister Justin Trudeau headed back to his Parliament Hill office, he noticed a strangely familiar face pass him in the hallway. The PM turned around to find the much maligned and increasingly irrelevant Leader of the Opposition, Andrew Scheer.
“Bro! You’re still here?”, Trudeau exclaimed, startling the Conservative Party Leader, “You son of a bitch! I thought you were gonna hightail it out of here when they found out you were paying for your kids to private school with campaign funds!”
“The party has to pick a new guy before I can resign and escape this never-ending nightmare,” Scheer replied sheepishly.
“Oh bum- I mean…cool!” replied Trudeau, “What do ya think you’ll do once you’re outta this shitshow? You were selling insurance before you got into politics, right?”
“Uh… not exactly,” admitted Scheer. “I didn’t have my permit before so….”
Sensing his endless shame and embarrassment, the Prime Minister attempted to cheer up the down-on-his-luck Opposition Leader.
“Well, a bright dude like you ought to land somewhere where you could do some good? You’ve got your US passport still right? Maybe head down there for work! You wouldn’t even need to apply for a visa since you didn’t renounce your citizenship!”
“Ya, I’m sure…” Scheer trailed off, sadly.
“Hey there, kiddo!” said the PM, jovially, “Chin-up! You’re gonna be just fine. Why don’t ya gimma a ‘Corona Bump’,” he said, raising his elbow.
“Oh, ok!” replied the besieged Opposition Leader raising his elbow awkwardly and pretending he knew what that was.
“I gotta go, stay in touch. We’ll get the kids togeth-,” Trudeau stopped himself, remembering that we are still in the middle of a pandemic, “Stay in touch, brah.”
“You too…brah!” said Scheer awkwardly as he headed back to his office.
After updating his LinkedIn profile, the soon-to-be-ousted Opposition Leader headed down for press time. However, Scheer refused to answer any media questions, instead spending the time handing out his resume to as many CBC reporters as possible, asking if they could pass it along to Catherine Tate.
Scheer, having heard of Stockwell Day’s recent departure from the network, insisted he would be an excellent replacement as he was only racist MOST of the time.
Scheer headed back to his office to relax with a big glass of milk, but was constantly interrupted by Peter McKay coming in to take measurements of the room and bragging about the time Stephen Harper took him to Bohemian Grove.
Paul Dudar is a contributing author to The Toronto Harold. More of Paul’s work can be found on Twitter @PaulDudar and his website www.pauldudar.com