Province Sees A Miraculous Mass Curing Of Made-Up Medical Exemptions

Etobicoke - In an event that some experts are referring to as a “medical miracle”, residents across Ontario who claimed for two years to have a mysterious medical condition preventing them from wearing a mask have suddenly been cured following the announcement of an end to the province’s mask mandate.

The province’s foremost doctor in bullshit tells us that just days ago hundreds, if not thousands, of Ontario residents were self-reporting being afflicted by a mysterious condition that had no other symptoms besides the inability to put a piece of cloth on their face for seven minutes while grocery shopping.

“I’ve never seen anything quite like it,” Dr Anthony Reynolds of Sunnybrook hospital tells us, “A cynic could argue that these people were all just lying, however my team is working tirelessly to determine what caused this incredible healing for the next time people are mildly inconvenienced.”