Ontario Liberals Announce “Buck-a-Ride” Slogan, Admit They’ve Tried Nothing And Are Out Of Original Ideas
By Gabriel Venneri
Toronto - Ontario Liberal Party leader Steven Del Duca announced on Monday to reduce the cost of public transit across the province to $1, and that coming up with original ideas is “really really hard”.
“I know that buck-a-ride sounds like it’s the same gimmicky tactic that Ford used four years ago with buck-a-beer, but every good idea was stolen from another idea right? We just needed a bit of inspiration to get the ball rolling,” insisted Del Duca, “Remember a few months ago when the Conservatives raised the minimum wage to $15 and we had the completely original idea to raise it $1 more? It’s the same thing here, we did the bare minimum to make our idea marginally better in the short term. We think that’s what voters want.”
“I think we changed it enough so that the teache– I mean voters won’t notice. Our approach is totally different, it’s basically just the name that sounds similar,” the Liberal leader continued, “Picture this: it’s quittin’ time. You and your buddies have worked hard, you deserve a reward. What better way to end your day than to crack open a big, frosty, refreshing bus door. You can see the condensation on the glass. The bus foams over with tired, irritable riders who have to get out of the way of people trying to get off. You know this moment is just for you. You embrace it. Because if you don’t get on, the next bus is in 45 minutes if you’re lucky . You pour yourself in. The bustender looks at you and says, ‘That’ll be a buck pal’, you flip a loonie into the coin thing and say, ‘Thanks friend’. You give each other a respectful nod, ‘Cheers,’ says the bustenter. All Ontarians deserve an Ontario transit brewed just for them.”
In related news, the shellfish industry is filing lawsuits against both Liberal and Conservative parties, claiming that the “buck-a-beer” and “buck-a-ride” both blatant rip offs of their trademarked “buck-a-shuck” slogan.
Gabriel Venneri is a contributing writer at The Toronto Harold. You can find him on Instagram at @gabevenn