Time-Traveling Ford Announces His 107th Lockdown Finally Worked

“Folks, I’m pleased to announce that in the year 2051, we finally achieved my goal of a two-dose summer.”

By Scott Slute

Toronto - In a late night press conference held at Queen’s Park on Friday, Premier Doug brought out a special guest to address the province; a time-traveling Premier Ford visiting from the year 2051.

“Folks,” the elderly Ford began, “I come from the distant future to bring you exciting news. Thanks to my lockdown measures, we have finally overcome the 94th wave of COVID-19, and Ontario is now ready to open back up fully.” 

The 86 year old Premier, who’s never-ending emergency orders allowed him to maintain power for the last three decades, revealed that his tactic of re-opening and then immediately closing patios over and over again for 30 years made the virus so tired that it just voluntarily left Ontario.

“It is an exciting day for Ontario in the year 2051, as we are now able to join where the rest of the world was in 2022,” said the Premier, “So I come to your time to tell you to trust in me, as the end is very much in site.” 

The future Ford also revealed another piece of information from his time; by the year 2023 you could get TWO fresh cracked eggs to your Tim Horton’s breakfast sandwich. 

Scott Slute is the Editor in Chief at The Toronto Harold.

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